I do not know how to be happy with my life. I try and try but to know avail. I know that I am the only one who can change my circumstances, but I feel stuck and I just don't have the motivation to do it.
Most of the time, atleast once each day or more I would rather be dead. I think about how easy it would be to start my car in the garage and sit and wait. I pray at night to God to just take me away in my sleep. But every morning I wake up and here I am.
I have a new job that I took because of being unemployed and not much to chose from. You would think that I would be happy about it. After all I am lucky to even be working, right?
I am with a man that I can barely stand. He is a bad person? No. Does he beat me? No. Does he treat me badly? No. I am just not attracted to him or in love with him, but here I am.
You'll all probably think I am nuts. Honestly I'm not. I feel like a failure. I feel like I have little to show for anything in my life.
I have four adult kids. Only 2 of them speaks to me. And with one of the two, it's rare. I live in Florida, three of them live in the midwest and one lives in Italy.
I moved here a year ago due to a 'facebook connection' with an old school friend which I said isn't working for me. I have no friends, although I have tried to make friends.
I feel comfortable expressing my feelings here because none of you know me.
I am sure there are many of you that would say I need to stop... there are so many others out there who have more serious problems than I. And I would agree with you. And believe me, I tell my self that all the time.
Thank you for listening.
